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International Dating Offers Options, Perils for Overlooked American Men

By Tony Rutherford
Huntington News Network Writer

Source of the article:

Huntington, WV (HNN) -- How many men have grown frustrated with their never ending status as lonely, unwanted ‘nice guys’ who are finishing last?

The Internet has opened numerous possibilities for singles to write, instant message, and talk and eventually meet other compatible singles with similar desires and interests.

While some American men have simply written off the new assertive women in the states, they have learned through computer communications that some ladies in other countries actually like to express their femininity, desire children, and still long for an old-fashioned soul mate.

When the personals and dating services were just reaching acceptability, another correspondence oriented meeting option found credibility --- a “mail order” bride.

The Internet allowed men and women of different cultures and nationalities to write, talk, meet and mingle, leading to occasional publicity where a man found the woman of his dreams in the Philippines, Japan, China, or Russia. In fact, women from the block of countries that formerly made up the U.S.S.R. began pursuing men from the states.

Many times the woman would say that she was tired of Russian men who drink too much and did not express their emotions. Dating and matrimonial agencies ring the Internet most boasting nearly glamour shot styled photos of beautiful, ‘traditional’ Russian ladies wanting romance with an American man.

In fact, contrasting the American growing trend of women seeking much younger men , perhaps in answer to the relative acceptance of an older man pursuing a much younger woman, Russian women, in general, prefer that their sweetheart be 10-20 years her senior.

So, sounds like those women ignored American nerds, bachelors, and nice guys have an opportunity to still connect with true love, albeit across the ocean?

The short answer is ‘yes,’ but like the perils of stateside single land, courting internationals has many valleys filled with pitfalls.

First, let me clarify, that I have ran a personal ad on some of the larger Internet dating sites seeking (in brief) a woman (likely ten years my junior) who does not yet have children and who still values traditional morals with a 21st Century tweak for equality. Since guys outnumber women on these services, particularly in smaller states like West Virginia, my mailbox stayed pretty empty except for an occasional woman stating she liked my qualities and to email her at a .ru address.

After a few introductory emails, most of the women dropped off the face of the earth. A few, though, within less than a month proclaimed themselves smitten by Cupid’s arrow.

For instance, a woman named Tatyana sent me a picture and stated: “Hi, my new friend. In mine message I promised that I shall send you my photo, therefore I send to you my photo. I hope that my photo has like to you.” Shortly thereafter, she told me she was 27, loved tulips and carnations, and has remained alone with her “mum” after her father was killed three years ago in a gas explosion in her home only about 20 km from the polar circle.

She told me “I am a lonely girl. I had only one guy last year. But he did not love me, he wanted only sex. I did not give him sex and we have left. I think that the woman should wait for the prince to be to him a true wife. Thus, she should have sex only with her beloved.”

The correspondence began July 31 and occasionally her letters had literary elegance. “I like autumn for its beauty…leaves on trees are painted in different colors. All around is similar to a picture of a great artist.” Telling me that she had no camera and would have to limit correspondence to the Internet, she said it was the “first time” to write a man. “I would like to hear your voice by phone, but unfortunately in distant district with phone the big problem.” By August 10, she began explaining that the majority of Russian men are “egotists who do not respect women. They love only themselves and alcohol. I want that my man likes and wants only me, that when I go to bed my beloved is waiting for me there. When I wake up he kisses me and says, “Good morning, my dear, I love you.”

In the same letter she added, “If the man and the woman have concluded matrimony in church that they should be true to the promises before God and people. There is a legend that God created a creature [that] decided it was stronger, better and wiser [than God]. For such fault, God divided it into man and woman. Since that time people [have been] looking for their own halves which belong to them.”

Having been warned to be skeptical of Russian women who might respond to a personal ad, Tatyana impressed me with an August 21 letter in which she began discussing the Bible and quoting verses about the need that spouses have a common faith in the body of Christ. She asked about my take on “marrying only in the Lord” (I Corinthians 7:39), wives obeying husbands called as the church obeys Christ. (Ephesians 5:22-23, Col. 3:18). “These words are not of course about the despotism of husband or the slavery of the wife, but about supremacy in responsibility, care and love. Tell me of your spirituality? Why do you believe you are going to Heaven? Do you read the Bible, would you read it to me every day, would you pray with me?”

Her alleged Christian faith to me seemed genuine, so I was not too off guard when five days later she told me “I love you… you are my unique man. I want to be together. I shall kiss you in the mornings… you own my soul and body… I had a dream that this summer I will find my loved [sic] man. We worked together in a beautiful field where many flowers grew. You collected for me a bouquet of field flowers…and the birds sang only for us and the angels sang only to us and the blue cloudless sky was reflected in your beautiful eyes.”

After her girlfriend was hit by an automobile and remained unconscious for four days in mid October, Tatyana’s dreams of walking down the “gangway” of a plane changed from the vastness of fate to “I have agreed with travel agency upon my trip to you. They completely pay for my trip to you on credit. I shall pay this credit during one year. The sum of my credit makes $1,500. I need to bring in an initial payment of $400 (which she wanted me to wire her via Western Union).”

That was the ‘red warning flag,’ according to my pre-advice from an attorney who had said travel for a non-wealthy woman in the former eastern bloc was next to impossible, so to, in general, “have fun writing ” but “send no money.”

Initially, I thought her decision might have come out of the accident of her friend, so I delayed my response, still giving her the benefit of the doubt. However, when the travel and money issues persisted, I told her that I thought we should talk [by phone] or make arrangements to communicate more directly than email. When she dismissed the phone option, I mentioned some options and requested a couple of specifics i.e. her full name and address.

NEXT: How with the help of an agency, they determined whether Tatyana was sincere or a ‘scammer.’


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