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DATING GAME OVERSEAS EDITION-I - Nov 28, 2005
International Dating Offers Options, Perils for Overlooked
American Men
By Tony Rutherford
Huntington News Network Writer
Source of the article: http://www.huntingtonnews.net/columns/051127-rutheford-comment.html
Huntington, WV (HNN) -- How many men have grown frustrated
with their never ending status as lonely, unwanted ‘nice
guys’ who are finishing last?
The Internet has opened numerous possibilities for singles
to write, instant message, and talk and eventually meet other
compatible singles with similar desires and interests.
While some American men have simply written off the new assertive
women in the states, they have learned through computer communications
that some ladies in other countries actually like to express
their femininity, desire children, and still long for an old-fashioned
soul mate.
When the personals and dating services were just reaching
acceptability, another correspondence oriented meeting option
found credibility --- a “mail order” bride.
The Internet allowed men and women of different cultures and
nationalities to write, talk, meet and mingle, leading to
occasional publicity where a man found the woman of his dreams
in the Philippines, Japan, China, or Russia. In fact, women
from the block of countries that formerly made up the U.S.S.R.
began pursuing men from the states.
Many times the woman would say that she was tired of Russian
men who drink too much and did not express their emotions.
Dating and matrimonial agencies ring the Internet most boasting
nearly glamour shot styled photos of beautiful, ‘traditional’
Russian ladies wanting romance with an American man.
In fact, contrasting the American growing trend of women seeking
much younger men , perhaps in answer to the relative acceptance
of an older man pursuing a much younger woman, Russian women,
in general, prefer that their sweetheart be 10-20 years her
senior.
So, sounds like those women ignored American nerds, bachelors,
and nice guys have an opportunity to still connect with true
love, albeit across the ocean?
The short answer is ‘yes,’ but like the perils of
stateside single land, courting internationals has many valleys
filled with pitfalls.
First, let me clarify, that I have ran a personal ad on some
of the larger Internet dating sites seeking (in brief) a woman
(likely ten years my junior) who does not yet have children
and who still values traditional morals with a 21st Century
tweak for equality. Since guys outnumber women on these services,
particularly in smaller states like West Virginia, my mailbox
stayed pretty empty except for an occasional woman stating
she liked my qualities and to email her at a .ru address.
After a few introductory emails, most of the women dropped
off the face of the earth. A few, though, within less than
a month proclaimed themselves smitten by Cupid’s arrow.
For instance, a woman named Tatyana sent me a picture and
stated: “Hi, my new friend. In mine message I promised
that I shall send you my photo, therefore I send to you my
photo. I hope that my photo has like to you.” Shortly
thereafter, she told me she was 27, loved tulips and carnations,
and has remained alone with her “mum” after her
father was killed three years ago in a gas explosion in her
home only about 20 km from the polar circle.
She told me “I am a lonely girl. I had only one guy last
year. But he did not love me, he wanted only sex. I did not
give him sex and we have left. I think that the woman should
wait for the prince to be to him a true wife. Thus, she should
have sex only with her beloved.”
The correspondence began July 31 and occasionally her letters
had literary elegance. “I like autumn for its beauty…leaves
on trees are painted in different colors. All around is similar
to a picture of a great artist.” Telling me that she
had no camera and would have to limit correspondence to the
Internet, she said it was the “first time” to write
a man. “I would like to hear your voice by phone, but
unfortunately in distant district with phone the big problem.”
By August 10, she began explaining that the majority of Russian
men are “egotists who do not respect women. They love
only themselves and alcohol. I want that my man likes and
wants only me, that when I go to bed my beloved is waiting
for me there. When I wake up he kisses me and says, “Good
morning, my dear, I love you.”
In the same letter she added, “If the man and the woman
have concluded matrimony in church that they should be true
to the promises before God and people. There is a legend that
God created a creature [that] decided it was stronger, better
and wiser [than God]. For such fault, God divided it into
man and woman. Since that time people [have been] looking
for their own halves which belong to them.”
Having been warned to be skeptical of Russian women who might
respond to a personal ad, Tatyana impressed me with an August
21 letter in which she began discussing the Bible and quoting
verses about the need that spouses have a common faith in
the body of Christ. She asked about my take on “marrying
only in the Lord” (I Corinthians 7:39), wives obeying
husbands called as the church obeys Christ. (Ephesians 5:22-23,
Col. 3:18). “These words are not of course about the
despotism of husband or the slavery of the wife, but about
supremacy in responsibility, care and love. Tell me of your
spirituality? Why do you believe you are going to Heaven?
Do you read the Bible, would you read it to me every day,
would you pray with me?”
Her alleged Christian faith to me seemed genuine, so I was
not too off guard when five days later she told me “I
love you… you are my unique man. I want to be together.
I shall kiss you in the mornings… you own my soul and
body… I had a dream that this summer I will find my loved
[sic] man. We worked together in a beautiful field where many
flowers grew. You collected for me a bouquet of field flowers…and
the birds sang only for us and the angels sang only to us
and the blue cloudless sky was reflected in your beautiful
eyes.”
After her girlfriend was hit by an automobile and remained
unconscious for four days in mid October, Tatyana’s dreams
of walking down the “gangway” of a plane changed
from the vastness of fate to “I have agreed with travel
agency upon my trip to you. They completely pay for my trip
to you on credit. I shall pay this credit during one year.
The sum of my credit makes $1,500. I need to bring in an initial
payment of $400 (which she wanted me to wire her via Western
Union).”
That was the ‘red warning flag,’ according to my
pre-advice from an attorney who had said travel for a non-wealthy
woman in the former eastern bloc was next to impossible, so
to, in general, “have fun writing ” but “send
no money.”
Initially, I thought her decision might have come out of the
accident of her friend, so I delayed my response, still giving
her the benefit of the doubt. However, when the travel and
money issues persisted, I told her that I thought we should
talk [by phone] or make arrangements to communicate more directly
than email. When she dismissed the phone option, I mentioned
some options and requested a couple of specifics i.e. her
full name and address.
NEXT: How with the help of an agency, they determined whether
Tatyana was sincere or a ‘scammer.’
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